Getting back in the Church Groove

Don't mind me, I have a lot to say today :)

Yesterday, JS took me to her church, called Terra Nova, in Troy. It was awesome. I loved it.

I should digress for a quick moment. My parents (Dad raised Catholic, Mom was raised First Congregational) raised my 3 sibs and I, Lutheran. Seeing as we have moved quite frequently until they plopped us all in Webster, we have gone to a multitude of churches. (This too allows me to think that I have location committment anxiety. Coming soon, to the DSM V. Just kidding.)

As in, was baptized in a church in Greece (no worries, still in Rochester), received 1st Communion in New Jersey, and was Confirmed twice (because I needed to get to know the members of our other new church in Webster, versus the one I had been Confirmed at 5 months previous in Penfield. Either way, 2nd Confirmation was cool, I just kind of disliked having to be in Confirmation classes for 3 years. But, I digress).

Anyways.

When I was in 9th grade, my 2nd Confirmation church (Immanuel Lutheran in Webster) went on this fabulous youth group retreat. I loved it. It was a huge group of people in Niagara Falls, singing and dancing and having a great time, and learning about God. It was refreshing. And it was totally non-traditional. And I loved it, because not only was I not getting preached AT, I felt like I was being spoken to. It was educational. And it was awesome.

This Terra Nova church feels the same to me.

It's refreshing.

It's a (very) young crowd.

It's people in their 20s who want to learn about God in order to strengthen their faith. And strengthening faith, whether you believe in God, or just in some other "thing" out in the universe, is something that everyone needs. Sometimes, you need to know that there's something out there that is just bigger than you. There's a plan, and it's not one that you know.

There was a ton of singing, and not the kind of singing that only the elder generations of the church know and understand. The sermon was based on "The Kingdom" because the congregation is doing a prayer study of the Lord's Prayer. And people just kept saying that knowing God was an on-going relationship. It's not something that you are ever going to get perfect. It's not something that you are ever going to fully understand. But it is something that is always there.

And that, to me, really woke me up.
(Digression: I haven't been to Church unless it's been for Easter or Christmas or a funeral in ages. I think college does that to people. Granted, it may also be the drinking and partying and working that I was doing at SUNY. But still, the comments woke me up.)

So, a BIG thank you JS for taking me to church with you. It was absolutely what I think I have been looking for. And while I may be re-discovering this faith and relationship with God, I certainly am going to try. Because everyone needs a little bit of Faith, and a plan that is bigger than you.

At least, I know I do.

Imperfect Life sometimes just g*d sucks.

And yes, that title of the post is from the Dr with whom I share an office.

And actually, the quote was. "What the f***. Cancer sucks and life is so G*D unfair."

Let me back up.

I work in a hospital.
I share an office with a pediatric hematologist/oncologist.
Yes, oncology.
Cancer doctor.
Yes, kids cancer doctor.
And sometimes, there are just those 5 year old girls that walk into clinic when you first start over 18 months ago, and grab your heart by the strings and don't let go.

And now, this girl is 6. And she's dying. And it just sucks.

So while I sit here, wallowing in my pity and tears and emotionally over-eating, I am asking myself why I am becoming a social worker. Because the lump in my throat is making it impossible to talk, or think. Because this girl and this family deserve nothing of what they have been dealt. This is the family with the parents you wish could parent every child out there. The mother who is rock. And the kids who are so funny and so energetic and lifelike. And the daughter who has stolen my heart.

So, putting it plainly... sometimes life is just crappily unperfect. Super, crappily, shit. Unfair, unwanted, and completely undeserved. It drives you crazy. And to the cookies. Good thing there was a panera delivery for lunch today.