Changing expectations

There comes a point when you have to realize what can be, and what will never be.

This is quite obviously, not a San Diego update. That will come this evening, because I’m currently writing a whole bunch of computers to just try and get my head back to where it needs to be.

My last day at my full time job is tomorrow.

Tomorrow. (Kinda makes you want to sing “Annie” doesn’t it?)

However, the woman who is replacing me, has now had 2 weeks in which to semi grasp what the job description is. Ask questions. Ask how she needs to be doing things.

She hasn’t.

The questions she has asked, though? How do you open a document when you’re already in Word?

How do you turn on and off the computer?

How do I type a list if there is already something written here?

Training her on customer service skills and how to answer a phone in a professional environment, instead of just answering with a “Hello.”

I don’t mean for this blog post to be offensive. I don’t mean for it to be bitchy. I don’t mean for it to be a rant.

But it is a way for me to be able to express myself, and my frustrations. And I am frustrated to the point of exasperation and high blood pressure. I almost don't know how to answer these questions. Because honestly, I have never had to teach someone that when you are in a professional environment, you don't answer a phone "hello."

((You also never bring religious books in either, especially ones about "Finding your better God" because it makes many people uncomfortable. Including the physician you share an office with. Who works with children who sometimes die of their cancer, and it's awful. But that's a story for a different time I think...))

My father has taught me to do things right the first time. “Touch it once, Whitney, and let it be done the proper way. You’ll never have to go back and do it again.”

My office is covered in post it notes that say the same thing. Because the same questions are being asked, over and over and over again. There is zero ability to multi-task. There is literally no ability to retain information that has been given more than once. In fact, there isn’t even any recognition that the information has already been given to her.

I worked hard to make the program run in a way that was successful over the past 2+ years. I worked hard to make it organized, and to be sure I was receiving comments from students that were “this is the most organized a clerkship has been all year.”

And now, for all of that work, to feel like it’s slipping away and was for nothing? I’m sad to leave; I’m certainly not going to miss everyone I work with. But I am going to miss making sure that there are students who were being taken care of in a way that was aiming to make them as successful as they wanted to be.

And now I’m nervous for these new students. I am nervous for this woman. Because students who pay over $60,000 a year to go to school? They want things done right the first time.

And it’s not going to happen.

Getting back in the Church Groove

Don't mind me, I have a lot to say today :)

Yesterday, JS took me to her church, called Terra Nova, in Troy. It was awesome. I loved it.

I should digress for a quick moment. My parents (Dad raised Catholic, Mom was raised First Congregational) raised my 3 sibs and I, Lutheran. Seeing as we have moved quite frequently until they plopped us all in Webster, we have gone to a multitude of churches. (This too allows me to think that I have location committment anxiety. Coming soon, to the DSM V. Just kidding.)

As in, was baptized in a church in Greece (no worries, still in Rochester), received 1st Communion in New Jersey, and was Confirmed twice (because I needed to get to know the members of our other new church in Webster, versus the one I had been Confirmed at 5 months previous in Penfield. Either way, 2nd Confirmation was cool, I just kind of disliked having to be in Confirmation classes for 3 years. But, I digress).

Anyways.

When I was in 9th grade, my 2nd Confirmation church (Immanuel Lutheran in Webster) went on this fabulous youth group retreat. I loved it. It was a huge group of people in Niagara Falls, singing and dancing and having a great time, and learning about God. It was refreshing. And it was totally non-traditional. And I loved it, because not only was I not getting preached AT, I felt like I was being spoken to. It was educational. And it was awesome.

This Terra Nova church feels the same to me.

It's refreshing.

It's a (very) young crowd.

It's people in their 20s who want to learn about God in order to strengthen their faith. And strengthening faith, whether you believe in God, or just in some other "thing" out in the universe, is something that everyone needs. Sometimes, you need to know that there's something out there that is just bigger than you. There's a plan, and it's not one that you know.

There was a ton of singing, and not the kind of singing that only the elder generations of the church know and understand. The sermon was based on "The Kingdom" because the congregation is doing a prayer study of the Lord's Prayer. And people just kept saying that knowing God was an on-going relationship. It's not something that you are ever going to get perfect. It's not something that you are ever going to fully understand. But it is something that is always there.

And that, to me, really woke me up.
(Digression: I haven't been to Church unless it's been for Easter or Christmas or a funeral in ages. I think college does that to people. Granted, it may also be the drinking and partying and working that I was doing at SUNY. But still, the comments woke me up.)

So, a BIG thank you JS for taking me to church with you. It was absolutely what I think I have been looking for. And while I may be re-discovering this faith and relationship with God, I certainly am going to try. Because everyone needs a little bit of Faith, and a plan that is bigger than you.

At least, I know I do.