An anniversary people shouldn't have to have

Today is the 6 year anniversary of my Uncle Don's death.

And still, like it was yesterday, I remember every detail.

From sitting in a girl down the hall's dorm room, getting ready for a fun Saturday night out on the town.

From calling my boyfriend, and my friends.

From trying to figure out how I was going to get home.

From missing a week of school.

From wishing more than anything I could not go back to school.

From standing with my sisters and my cousin at the casket at the end of calling hours, in silence, with tears running down our faces because we couldn't go up alone.

From wishing I could take the pain that my mom, her parents, and my cousins had to face.

From praying that I would wake up and it would all be a dream.

From knowing that the last time I spoke to him, he ended the conversation with "Da-Niece, have a great time at college, and don't get into more trouble than I would."

From realizing that our family dynamic had forever changed.

And on this day, I remember the laughter, the Budweiser, the crazy water gun fights, the memories, the vegetable dip on my hands, the serious talks and threats at my graduation party, the trips to get thrown into pools, lakes and whatever other body of water was around.

And I wish more than anything, I was able to tell him one more time how much he meant to me.

*photo taken courtesy of Sarah at Love has many Flavors

I don't throw "haunted" out there often, but seriously...

My apartment is.... Haunted.

No, this is not a "Happy Early Halloween" post.

As cool as that would be, that is not what this is.

This is a "Holy crap my apartment is haunted and I promise I'm not making it up even though I thought it was just a microwave that was broken, but now JM and I bought a new microwave and holy crap that one is turning on by itself when it's not plugged in too WTF!!!!" post.

It's scary as all get out. And right now, JM is at work, and I am as far away from the microwave as possible. Because 1) it is creepy. 2) it is haunted and 3) it's brand new and still turning itself on when it shouldn't be.

WTF. I know this apartment building is old. And I know JM and I had a super cheap microwave before, and it was probably just short wiring itself.

But now, the new $70 microwave that we bought yesterday? Yea. That one is turning itself on too.

And, seriously. WTF. This is bananas. Like Rachel Zoe project, watermelons and bananas. Stupid.

And creepy. And it's still another 5 weeks until Halloween. Creepy.

Speed limits are so stupid.

Sometimes.... you get pulled over by the police.

Heyyyy, and sometimes it's me.

Because apparently on the hill by my house, the speed limit is only 30 miles an hour.

First off, let me say that 30 mph is the MOST ridiculous speed limit I have ever heard of in my life. It is like.... watching paint dry. It is so slow.

Apparently, going 53 is a much better speed.

Want to know what's even better though?

Living across the street from the police station, and having the police officer who pulls you over say.... "Yea, I thought I recognized you and the car. Please be more careful."

Thank you, kind policeman, whose name I don't know. I appreciate the lack of ticket, and I promise, I will drive your insanely slow speed limit from now on.

At least, up that hill. ;)

I'm baaaaack....

Hello blog world, it has been a while.

I have received word from LA that I haven't written in well....

a really, really long time.

I'm sorry. I don't know why so many of us feel the need to apologize for not writing, but I promise, I'm coming back.

Quick recap of the past month (ish) of my life:

Spent a week at home with the family. Laying in the pool, eating Rochester food, and loving Wegmans. It was great, relaxing, and full of sun, which for Rochester, is a tad bit of a miracle.

And then I came back to Albany, enjoyed days of sleeping in, adjusting to my life as a newly full time unemployed person, and worked at a restaurant around the corner from the Saratoga Race Track.

I met girls that are fantastic. Actually, the sentence that came out of my mouth day 2 of working there was "You know, I have never met girls quite like you all before, especially being the new girl in a restaurant. This is fantastic."

It's great. And it's a 35 minute drive from home, which means I have time to think, and just be ME in my car. I love it.

I would have won $5,000 on the Travers Stakes...

had I actually placed my bet.

Gah.

My birthday was last week. The big 24. So I guess I need to do some re-editing of this site, as well... perfectly imperfect at 23 doesn't work when you're 24. Eh. Whatevs. Keep reading k?

My boyfriend, the lovely JM, "proposed" using ringpops for my birthday. Yes, he is still alive, and no, there was no other ring to back them up. It's fine, these things happen. He thought it was funny, and our friends, well.... they're impressed he's breathing still. It's ok, I still love him :)

We joined the JCC, aka Jewish Community Center. We aren't Jewish. It's great. There is a pool where I can swim laps. Yay. Hopefully my hair doesn't turn green, but hey, if it does, it'll just be a great new look.

School has restarted, and after a LOVELY 2 days of "field orientation" or as I am lovingly referring to it as, the worst way to spend 12 hours which I will never get back ever, ever again, I am getting back into school mode. This year, I am promising that I am going to actually do the readings. JM is very supportive, and so, this has become my new life:

I have become best friends with my coffee maker again. Be impressed, I promise, I'm back :)

Dear Gram,

Dear Gram,

Today, it's been 3 years.

3 years since you were here.

3 years since Courtney, Stacy and I went to get you ice-cream.

3 years since the infamous July where we spent a month in the hospital, all together, taking over conference rooms for weeks at a time.

Getting calls in the middle of the night hearing you weren't going to make it through the night. Or through the day.

To rush to the hospital. To have to leave work. To have your last rites read to you.

And then, in true you fashion, to have you be sitting up in bed 8 hours later ordering your lunch for the next day.

That month brought our family together in a way that we hadn't been before. It brought the cousins together. It created a bond that cannot and will not be broken.

It's been 3 years and one week since you held my hand and asked me "Is it ok if I don't die this week?" as if it was going to mess up my plans.

It was the last thing you said to me before you were moved to hospice.

And one week later, you were gone. Almost to the minute.

It's been three years, and so much has changed. You have more great-grand-children. You are gaining another grandson through marriage with Courtney. Your grandkids are continuing and furthering their families, and their educations. We are growing and changing; but we are maintaining and taking care of each other in ways you would love.

You never got to meet JM. Grandpa seems to be impressed, but I wish you could have met him still. You would have loved him. (He's warm, too!) And he's smart. And he takes good care of me. He's respectful, and loves spending time with Grandpa when he's back in Rochester with me. He's a good fit with the family.

I know that no matter what, you are looking out for all of us, in each of our paths.

But it doesn't make me miss you any less every day.

I miss you, and I love you.

-Whitney

Changing expectations

There comes a point when you have to realize what can be, and what will never be.

This is quite obviously, not a San Diego update. That will come this evening, because I’m currently writing a whole bunch of computers to just try and get my head back to where it needs to be.

My last day at my full time job is tomorrow.

Tomorrow. (Kinda makes you want to sing “Annie” doesn’t it?)

However, the woman who is replacing me, has now had 2 weeks in which to semi grasp what the job description is. Ask questions. Ask how she needs to be doing things.

She hasn’t.

The questions she has asked, though? How do you open a document when you’re already in Word?

How do you turn on and off the computer?

How do I type a list if there is already something written here?

Training her on customer service skills and how to answer a phone in a professional environment, instead of just answering with a “Hello.”

I don’t mean for this blog post to be offensive. I don’t mean for it to be bitchy. I don’t mean for it to be a rant.

But it is a way for me to be able to express myself, and my frustrations. And I am frustrated to the point of exasperation and high blood pressure. I almost don't know how to answer these questions. Because honestly, I have never had to teach someone that when you are in a professional environment, you don't answer a phone "hello."

((You also never bring religious books in either, especially ones about "Finding your better God" because it makes many people uncomfortable. Including the physician you share an office with. Who works with children who sometimes die of their cancer, and it's awful. But that's a story for a different time I think...))

My father has taught me to do things right the first time. “Touch it once, Whitney, and let it be done the proper way. You’ll never have to go back and do it again.”

My office is covered in post it notes that say the same thing. Because the same questions are being asked, over and over and over again. There is zero ability to multi-task. There is literally no ability to retain information that has been given more than once. In fact, there isn’t even any recognition that the information has already been given to her.

I worked hard to make the program run in a way that was successful over the past 2+ years. I worked hard to make it organized, and to be sure I was receiving comments from students that were “this is the most organized a clerkship has been all year.”

And now, for all of that work, to feel like it’s slipping away and was for nothing? I’m sad to leave; I’m certainly not going to miss everyone I work with. But I am going to miss making sure that there are students who were being taken care of in a way that was aiming to make them as successful as they wanted to be.

And now I’m nervous for these new students. I am nervous for this woman. Because students who pay over $60,000 a year to go to school? They want things done right the first time.

And it’s not going to happen.

A little piece of San Diego, til tomorrow

So, tomorrow, there will be a long update. A vacation update. An update of almost epic proportions, but let's not get crazy here.

Today, a taste. A smidge. A little sampling.

Because I have done my Momma proud, and took over 500 pictures on a weeks long vacation. Holy. Cow.

This was the greatest meal we ate in San Diego. At LaFiesta, and this was their cold seafood sampler. It was a special. And deliciously special it indeed was. If you have a chance to eat, there. Do it. And try to be sneaky like me, and give the waitress your credit card to treat your super great JM. Being tricky is the best, especially when the food was this holywowdeliciousnessinmymouthWOW.

Just a cute one. On the beach in Coronado Island. Toes in the sand. And yes. My toes are not my sisters princess feet. But they officially have a flip flop tan, and I'm pumped. Sweet business friends, sweet business.

Before we got JM some tylenol to get rid of the wicked bad headache he had. He said it was because he had gone 24+ hours without a beer. Eh, we got some tylenol, some lunch and beer, and wouldn't ya know it? Headache gone ;) And seriously. What a great photog I am. Yes, I am tooting my horn.

On the harbor cruise around the SD bay. So much fun, and so much sun. And an hour of touring around the crazy ships and bases. JM was in his glory. "Babe! Look over there! Those types of planes do thisandthisandthisandthis!" I had no idea.

Until tomorrow, kind friends. When there will be stories, and pictures, and fabulousness.

Because my "nifty" friend has to go to training all day long, and I get to spend quality time back with all of YOU! I have missed you!!!

PYHO: This must be happy?

It's Wednesday, and it's time for Pour Your Heart Out, with Shell. As always, be nice, link up, but keep in mind that people are in fact, putting themselves out there.

Today, I am happy.

Today, was the first day that I trained the "new me."

Today, I will spend time with JM, the man who has grown so much recently and become the man I love.

Today, I smile because I know that I am more and more like myself these days.

Today, I am happy.

Today, I am glad for my family, and my sister who passed her nursing boards, and for my friends who got to spend time with their family.

Today, I am happy that I heard from SR's mom, and that they are doing well.

Today I am happy to have reconnected with a friend who shares a love for sprinkles, sparkles and bling.

Today, although it's wicked hot outside (and no, I am not from Boston, but seriously, how cool would that be) I will smile through the sweat.

Today, I am looking forward to a vacation with that man that I love.

Today, I am excited for tomorrow. I am excited for the smiles. The laughter, the memories. The fun. The tears.

And today, I'm seriously excited that JM is folding socks, because who actually likes that part of the laundry? ;)

My last day as a free coordinator

Well, here it is Tuesday again.

And after a weekend of sun tanned bliss, it's back to work.

Ugh. This however is my last day as a "single" student coordinator. The woman who is taking my job starts "training" with me tomorrow.

See, here's the thing.

I started this blog while I was at work, because well... I didn't have much to do. I had all this down time. And while it's great, it's also kind of un-nerving. Because now I have to train this "older-than-me" woman on how to do my job.

Not that there's anything wrong with it.

I just don't know how I'm going to do it.

"So this is the time that I spend catching up on my favorite blogs."

"This is when I go on facebook."

This is when I spend time talking to my mom on the phone.

Oh, and this other 90 minute span of time spread throughout the day? Yea, that's when I actually have some work to do. Because seriously, this job doesn't require 40 hours.

What the eff am I going to do?! Maybe I'll help her set up her own blog... or maybe I'll just have to get over the fact that I am leaving AMC, and well... I'm going to have to give this lady something to do. But seriously. Holy boredom for the next 3 weeks.

Good thing I'm going to San Diego next week ;) Ahhhhh vacation. Side note. If any of you lovely readers have any SanDiego suggestions, I'm all about it. JM and I are staying in the Gaslamp district at some swanky hotel.

yes, I just used swanky in that sentence. Get over it.

I'm going to have to play pretend grown-up. I'm so pumped! Or grownup that has a lot of money, when I actually don't. Greatest. Game. Ever.

Also, conversation with JM about this vacation:

JM: earlier in the week: "Babe, we should really look at SanDiego stuff, and plan some things out, I'm so excited!"

me (yesterday): "So maybe we should look at planning some of this trip babe, what do you think?"
JM: "Eh, I figure we'll just come up with a list of some stuff we want to do on the plane."
me: "Oh, ok, so we are just 'rolling with it' for the week?" (insert mild panic)
JM "Hmm. Yea, I guess.... zzzzzz. zzzzzzz. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz."

Guess it's a roll with it kind of vacation. And while I'm ok with it, eh.. would reallllllly love some input from anyone that has some!

Finding your purpose: I haven't even after 50

I joined a blogging website/help society type of thing a couple weeks ago.

They keep sending me emails (it's a daily thing) about how to "find your voice."

Or to "find your blog's purpose."


It kind of drives me crazy. The point of starting this blog was to start to find out who I am, what I like to write and have a "journal" of sorts to document my 20s and beyond.

It's in my blog title.

I have no idea what this blog is going to be about in the end. It kind of jumps all over.

I'm not a person blogging about how to plan a wedding. Or being a mom. Or being in school and getting a job. Or being married through the first year.

I don't really have a total purpose. And sometimes, I feel bad. And then I say... "F this game" I just want to write.

So, for all those of you who have blog purpose, I applaud you. I hope you don't stop being my follower because I haven't found mine yet.

However, I think that when I get a puppy, it could have a common thread running through it of "IlovemydogIhatepottytrainingmydogHe'ssocuteIcan'tstandit."


Stick with me til then? I think it'll be good. Until then, I'm just another girl, who's struggling.

Gah. At least I have friends who send me emails who make me laugh. Because what good is struggling if you're not at least laughing the whole time anyways?! Seriously.

Also, this is my 50th post. HOly cow-sers :) That's pretty sweeeet, but seriously, still searching for purpose? Annoyance.