Decisions, decisions

The first full week of 2012 has brought a lot of decisions.

Or changes.

Not changes in me, but changes in the way that I am approaching my life.

You could say that well.... I have hit the point of making choices because I have not much left to lose, and therefore, everything to gain.

It's been a week of firsts, easy and the most difficult.

Let's just cut to the chase, shall we?

I decided to shave my head.

Yes. You read that correctly.

The action that I have been talking about for 4 years is finally happening. I'm shaving my head for St. Baldrick's this year. I announced it on Thursday and have been given nothing but support from friends that surprised me. From friends that I knew would be there, and from people who have come out of the woodwork. I am shocked. I am surprised. I am thrilled.

And I am exhilirated.

I cannot wait until the day will come that I will become a shavee for this great organization. I have organized for years. I have participated as an event organizer. I have cheered, raised money, spread the word, and supported others.

And now it's my turn. To face the clippers. To support the kids and families who have changed my life. To become part of the team and community that I love so much.

People have said that they are proud of me. That I should not be ashamed of being bald. That they are impressed. And to that, I ask and say, it's not me that you should be proud or impressed of (but I'm excited you are, because well, that means you should donate to this awesome cause!!). This is not something that I am ashamed of.

It is something that I am excited to do. It is something that I have talked about for so long, but have had an excuse each year. The excuses, my friends? Are over.

So when the details keep coming, I hope you will support this great cause. I have meetings this week, and should have the website up by Wednesday.

I am so excited, and I hope that my journey will excite you all as well.

Something to live for. Something to breathe for. Something to care for. A cause and a group to love. And an event that has invigorated me each year that I have participated. I can only imagine what the Albany St. Baldrick's 2012 event has in store.

And? I am so, so excited!!

^^^^ The curly hair. Pre-shave.^^^^

Or, well, a couple weeks ago!

An anniversary people shouldn't have to have

Today is the 6 year anniversary of my Uncle Don's death.

And still, like it was yesterday, I remember every detail.

From sitting in a girl down the hall's dorm room, getting ready for a fun Saturday night out on the town.

From calling my boyfriend, and my friends.

From trying to figure out how I was going to get home.

From missing a week of school.

From wishing more than anything I could not go back to school.

From standing with my sisters and my cousin at the casket at the end of calling hours, in silence, with tears running down our faces because we couldn't go up alone.

From wishing I could take the pain that my mom, her parents, and my cousins had to face.

From praying that I would wake up and it would all be a dream.

From knowing that the last time I spoke to him, he ended the conversation with "Da-Niece, have a great time at college, and don't get into more trouble than I would."

From realizing that our family dynamic had forever changed.

And on this day, I remember the laughter, the Budweiser, the crazy water gun fights, the memories, the vegetable dip on my hands, the serious talks and threats at my graduation party, the trips to get thrown into pools, lakes and whatever other body of water was around.

And I wish more than anything, I was able to tell him one more time how much he meant to me.

*photo taken courtesy of Sarah at Love has many Flavors

Dear Gram,

Dear Gram,

Today, it's been 3 years.

3 years since you were here.

3 years since Courtney, Stacy and I went to get you ice-cream.

3 years since the infamous July where we spent a month in the hospital, all together, taking over conference rooms for weeks at a time.

Getting calls in the middle of the night hearing you weren't going to make it through the night. Or through the day.

To rush to the hospital. To have to leave work. To have your last rites read to you.

And then, in true you fashion, to have you be sitting up in bed 8 hours later ordering your lunch for the next day.

That month brought our family together in a way that we hadn't been before. It brought the cousins together. It created a bond that cannot and will not be broken.

It's been 3 years and one week since you held my hand and asked me "Is it ok if I don't die this week?" as if it was going to mess up my plans.

It was the last thing you said to me before you were moved to hospice.

And one week later, you were gone. Almost to the minute.

It's been three years, and so much has changed. You have more great-grand-children. You are gaining another grandson through marriage with Courtney. Your grandkids are continuing and furthering their families, and their educations. We are growing and changing; but we are maintaining and taking care of each other in ways you would love.

You never got to meet JM. Grandpa seems to be impressed, but I wish you could have met him still. You would have loved him. (He's warm, too!) And he's smart. And he takes good care of me. He's respectful, and loves spending time with Grandpa when he's back in Rochester with me. He's a good fit with the family.

I know that no matter what, you are looking out for all of us, in each of our paths.

But it doesn't make me miss you any less every day.

I miss you, and I love you.

-Whitney

A little piece of San Diego, til tomorrow

So, tomorrow, there will be a long update. A vacation update. An update of almost epic proportions, but let's not get crazy here.

Today, a taste. A smidge. A little sampling.

Because I have done my Momma proud, and took over 500 pictures on a weeks long vacation. Holy. Cow.

This was the greatest meal we ate in San Diego. At LaFiesta, and this was their cold seafood sampler. It was a special. And deliciously special it indeed was. If you have a chance to eat, there. Do it. And try to be sneaky like me, and give the waitress your credit card to treat your super great JM. Being tricky is the best, especially when the food was this holywowdeliciousnessinmymouthWOW.

Just a cute one. On the beach in Coronado Island. Toes in the sand. And yes. My toes are not my sisters princess feet. But they officially have a flip flop tan, and I'm pumped. Sweet business friends, sweet business.

Before we got JM some tylenol to get rid of the wicked bad headache he had. He said it was because he had gone 24+ hours without a beer. Eh, we got some tylenol, some lunch and beer, and wouldn't ya know it? Headache gone ;) And seriously. What a great photog I am. Yes, I am tooting my horn.

On the harbor cruise around the SD bay. So much fun, and so much sun. And an hour of touring around the crazy ships and bases. JM was in his glory. "Babe! Look over there! Those types of planes do thisandthisandthisandthis!" I had no idea.

Until tomorrow, kind friends. When there will be stories, and pictures, and fabulousness.

Because my "nifty" friend has to go to training all day long, and I get to spend quality time back with all of YOU! I have missed you!!!

Pour Your Heart Out: A love for the ages

Shell, over at Things I can't Say, has a great feature on Wednesday's called "Pour Your Heart Out." This is my 3rd post, and again, I am so happy to be part of it.

For the past couple of days, I have been truly missing my Gram. So, this is for her and my Gramps, and the love that they share together.

My Dad's parents, my Gram and Gramps were married for over 65 years. They were together for almost 71. They met back in the 1930s, and while my grandmother was dating someone else, my grandfather fell in love with her.

It is really a cute story, one which I need to tape record and then save forever.

They were apart for almost 5 years while he was in the Service back in WWII. 5 years. And people these days can't handle 5 days. Anyways, that's not really the point.

My Gramps has loved my Gram since the day he met her. He held her hand every chance he got, told her he loved her at every moment. They never doubted eachother. They loved with a passion and a fury that is to be rivaled in the fairy tales. I will forever remember my Grandma holding his hand, while laying in her hospital bed close to her death, saying "Watch this one Whitney, I still got it!" And pulling his HUGE sleeper chair closer to her, remarking "Much better, you were so far away, hon."

I have found letters that they wrote to eachother while Gramps was gone. I am much like my Gram when she was in her 20s, I have come to realize. The sarcastic remarks, the funny quips, and the absolutely hysterical moments of clarity when seeing someone else's character. They are all in her letters to my Gramps, which he has saved for almost 60 years.

Gram, when she was (I think) 25

Gram will have been gone for 3 years this July. It seems almost impossible to think and comprehend that it has been so long. 3 years feels like a lifetime ago.

Relationships in the 20s, and 30s seem to be of historical nature. Marriages lasting well into 60 years. The trust and companionship and pure support that existed. Yes, this is me in rose colored glasses, looking at my grandparents because I am sure that not every single relationship was the same as theirs. They have truly defined "soul mate" in my eyes. There is not one memory that I have of my grandparents where they are without eachother, without their fingers entertwined, without them by eachothers side.

It is a love to be rivaled and strived for. It is a type of love that I hope that I have not only to give, but to also receive.

I miss being able to see that with them. And I am so, so thankful that I have some of these letters to show me that although times get tough, you can push through and make it. You can overcome the obstacles. You can be personally successful and still have someone in your life that loves and supports and is there for you through good and bad. I am so thankful that I have something to compare my life and my love to. Because no one should have anything less than the passion and true love that can endure for over 70 years. Their story is/was hard. But they endured. They are the real life fairy-tale that I have forever been searching for.