The importance of being where you are. The moment.

Being a social work student has taught me plenty.  What interventions to use with specific clients. How to evaluate them. How to research. How to be unconditionally present.  How to meet clients where they are, instead of where I (as a clinician) may want them to be.

But this semester? In a class around the topic of grief and loss? I learned how to sit with my own feelings.  To be ok (or begin to be ok) with them.

Because it is not just being able to be ok sitting with clients and their feelings, it's important to be able to as an individual, be able to sit with our own.

It is so often that I think that because I have been trained in specific skills that I should have all the answers.  That I should be able to handle every situation thrown in my direction with perfection and the "right" ways.  It's a lie.

Learning to be ok with where I am as an individual, social worker or not, has been a great new way to be able to look at my life, and look at the decisions that I am very quickly going to be needing to make.

It's ok to be sad.  It's ok to grieve the end of something that I thought I was ready for.  It's ok to be happy, to continue living.  To continue growing.  To continue to make choices and decisions because without them, you are stagnant. Unchanging. Because without making a decision, you are, in fact, choosing.

And what fun is a world in which you are unable to change?

It is the lesson I am most thankful for.  Learning to be OK with where I am.  To accept it.  And to keep plugging along, whether the days are smooth like a lake in the morning, or challenging and scary... a day in which your footing just isn't always sure.

It's life.  And if I can't accept and be OK with where I am, how can I expect others to be just as OK with where I am?  Being where you are. In the present. In the moment.  Living.

The true warriors.

It has been almost 3 weeks since I have decided to not only be the event organizer, but to be a shavee this year for St. Baldrick's Albany 2012.

This decision did not come lightly. For too long, there has always been an excuse. Always been a ready reason to not participate in such a way that is the basis of this amazing event. A wedding. A vacation. A job. A request. This is the year for me to get rid of them all. To answer only to myself the question of "Why not?"

There have been some people have asked me whether or not I have really "thought it through."

My answer to them has and will always, remain the same. "Hair grows back. It's for the kids. I'm only shaving my head. THEY are the true warriors."

But then?

I get emails. And Facebook posts. And texts. And messages. And blog posts by cousins, or best friends from far away who are helping me to spread the word of this foundation.

And their words are inspiring. They are uplifting. They are encouraging. They are supportive.

They often make me cry as I sit and read them, as I smile and ask myself how it is that I got to be as lucky as I am to have the supportive friends and family around me that I do.

I have parents who love and support me. I have friends and family members who are Facebook blasting my fundraising page in order to continue to spread the word. And for them? There are not enough words to say thank you over the past 3 weeks.

And I have the honor of being able to spread the stories of those children whom I know, or have known, who have fought or are fighting the beast that is pediatric cancers. It is these stories of the families who have allowed me to shave my head in honor of their children that truly are uplifting and amazing.

And it is these families and children that I am so thankful to have known for even just a moment throughout their battle.

When you think about that, their battles?

Hair doesn't seem like much to give at all.

Decisions, decisions

The first full week of 2012 has brought a lot of decisions.

Or changes.

Not changes in me, but changes in the way that I am approaching my life.

You could say that well.... I have hit the point of making choices because I have not much left to lose, and therefore, everything to gain.

It's been a week of firsts, easy and the most difficult.

Let's just cut to the chase, shall we?

I decided to shave my head.

Yes. You read that correctly.

The action that I have been talking about for 4 years is finally happening. I'm shaving my head for St. Baldrick's this year. I announced it on Thursday and have been given nothing but support from friends that surprised me. From friends that I knew would be there, and from people who have come out of the woodwork. I am shocked. I am surprised. I am thrilled.

And I am exhilirated.

I cannot wait until the day will come that I will become a shavee for this great organization. I have organized for years. I have participated as an event organizer. I have cheered, raised money, spread the word, and supported others.

And now it's my turn. To face the clippers. To support the kids and families who have changed my life. To become part of the team and community that I love so much.

People have said that they are proud of me. That I should not be ashamed of being bald. That they are impressed. And to that, I ask and say, it's not me that you should be proud or impressed of (but I'm excited you are, because well, that means you should donate to this awesome cause!!). This is not something that I am ashamed of.

It is something that I am excited to do. It is something that I have talked about for so long, but have had an excuse each year. The excuses, my friends? Are over.

So when the details keep coming, I hope you will support this great cause. I have meetings this week, and should have the website up by Wednesday.

I am so excited, and I hope that my journey will excite you all as well.

Something to live for. Something to breathe for. Something to care for. A cause and a group to love. And an event that has invigorated me each year that I have participated. I can only imagine what the Albany St. Baldrick's 2012 event has in store.

And? I am so, so excited!!

^^^^ The curly hair. Pre-shave.^^^^

Or, well, a couple weeks ago!