The importance of being where you are. The moment.

Being a social work student has taught me plenty.  What interventions to use with specific clients. How to evaluate them. How to research. How to be unconditionally present.  How to meet clients where they are, instead of where I (as a clinician) may want them to be.

But this semester? In a class around the topic of grief and loss? I learned how to sit with my own feelings.  To be ok (or begin to be ok) with them.

Because it is not just being able to be ok sitting with clients and their feelings, it's important to be able to as an individual, be able to sit with our own.

It is so often that I think that because I have been trained in specific skills that I should have all the answers.  That I should be able to handle every situation thrown in my direction with perfection and the "right" ways.  It's a lie.

Learning to be ok with where I am as an individual, social worker or not, has been a great new way to be able to look at my life, and look at the decisions that I am very quickly going to be needing to make.

It's ok to be sad.  It's ok to grieve the end of something that I thought I was ready for.  It's ok to be happy, to continue living.  To continue growing.  To continue to make choices and decisions because without them, you are stagnant. Unchanging. Because without making a decision, you are, in fact, choosing.

And what fun is a world in which you are unable to change?

It is the lesson I am most thankful for.  Learning to be OK with where I am.  To accept it.  And to keep plugging along, whether the days are smooth like a lake in the morning, or challenging and scary... a day in which your footing just isn't always sure.

It's life.  And if I can't accept and be OK with where I am, how can I expect others to be just as OK with where I am?  Being where you are. In the present. In the moment.  Living.

Life's Teaching Moments

The holidays are officially here.

And this year that was full of difficult, life-changing decisions? Is almost over.

I can't say I'm not excited to see 2011 coming to its end. But this year that was so hard? Has taught so much.

That I am stronger than I thought.

That I can make it.

That some days? Are definitely harder than others.

That tears are ok.

But that through tears? There is laughter.

That I love with everything I have.

That slipping and tripping up sometimes? Happens.

That friends who care about you, are always there.

That sometimes all a girl needs? Is some sunshine.

That family is there for the ups and downs and everything else.

And that those who were once the tight, close, support system? Life is sometimes better off without them.

That jobs can come and go. But that this school program is only once, so those lessons? Are invaluable.

I started this blog because I had a lot of time on my hands. I'm going to continue it this upcoming year. Because being able to look back is important, and growing through struggle is vital. I stopped writing frequently because I didn't have a whole lot to say that was funny. Or well, that I thought was funny and worth sharing.

But sharing is important. Writing is important. Maintaining positive relationships is important. Taking chances are important. Learning is important. And in the last months that I have left in Albany before graduation in May? I'm going to do all of those things. Check back for a new blog.

Hope. Change. Believe. Strength. Love. Faith. Breathe.

For. The. Love.

... So clearly...

I haven't blogged in a while.

My apologies.

Life, as you know it, has been changing. Yes, for the better, and yes as I am making more decisions for myself.

But it doesn't mean that I shouldn't be taking the time to write. I have missed writing.

But, my blog title doesn't make much sense anymore. Seeing as that since I have last written, I have had a birthday. So happy birthday (belated, obviously) to me. Happy 24. And a half. Plus a month.

A lot has changed around here. As in... seriously a lot.

I have moved out, deactivate facebook, no longer live with JM because we broke up.

My doing. No more tears.

Eventually, in life, decisions have to be made for yourself.

Decisions to be happy. Decisions to make the most of life. Decisions to laugh instead of cry, and to dream instead of stay. Decisions to play instead of work all the time. And decisions to be the person I have wanted to be, and stopped trying to be, for so long.

It's funny how relationships work sometimes. There are minutes that you are so in love. Minutes that you can't imagine life without someone else. And then those minutes turn into hours, you stay and then look back 6 months later wondering where the time went. And how you got to the point you are at.

The minutes tick by. The hours go on. Time passes whether you think it will or not. And the decision to be happy and to smile? That's one that should be present with every minute.