Friday, July 30, 2010

Dear Gram,

Dear Gram,

Today, it's been 3 years.

3 years since you were here.

3 years since Courtney, Stacy and I went to get you ice-cream.

3 years since the infamous July where we spent a month in the hospital, all together, taking over conference rooms for weeks at a time.

Getting calls in the middle of the night hearing you weren't going to make it through the night. Or through the day.

To rush to the hospital. To have to leave work. To have your last rites read to you.

And then, in true you fashion, to have you be sitting up in bed 8 hours later ordering your lunch for the next day.

That month brought our family together in a way that we hadn't been before. It brought the cousins together. It created a bond that cannot and will not be broken.

It's been 3 years and one week since you held my hand and asked me "Is it ok if I don't die this week?" as if it was going to mess up my plans.

It was the last thing you said to me before you were moved to hospice.

And one week later, you were gone. Almost to the minute.

It's been three years, and so much has changed. You have more great-grand-children. You are gaining another grandson through marriage with Courtney. Your grandkids are continuing and furthering their families, and their educations. We are growing and changing; but we are maintaining and taking care of each other in ways you would love.

You never got to meet JM. Grandpa seems to be impressed, but I wish you could have met him still. You would have loved him. (He's warm, too!) And he's smart. And he takes good care of me. He's respectful, and loves spending time with Grandpa when he's back in Rochester with me. He's a good fit with the family.

I know that no matter what, you are looking out for all of us, in each of our paths.

But it doesn't make me miss you any less every day.

I miss you, and I love you.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Changing expectations

There comes a point when you have to realize what can be, and what will never be.

This is quite obviously, not a San Diego update. That will come this evening, because I’m currently writing a whole bunch of computers to just try and get my head back to where it needs to be.

My last day at my full time job is tomorrow.

Tomorrow. (Kinda makes you want to sing “Annie” doesn’t it?)

However, the woman who is replacing me, has now had 2 weeks in which to semi grasp what the job description is. Ask questions. Ask how she needs to be doing things.

She hasn’t.

The questions she has asked, though? How do you open a document when you’re already in Word?

How do you turn on and off the computer?

How do I type a list if there is already something written here?

Training her on customer service skills and how to answer a phone in a professional environment, instead of just answering with a “Hello.”

I don’t mean for this blog post to be offensive. I don’t mean for it to be bitchy. I don’t mean for it to be a rant.

But it is a way for me to be able to express myself, and my frustrations. And I am frustrated to the point of exasperation and high blood pressure. I almost don't know how to answer these questions. Because honestly, I have never had to teach someone that when you are in a professional environment, you don't answer a phone "hello."

((You also never bring religious books in either, especially ones about "Finding your better God" because it makes many people uncomfortable. Including the physician you share an office with. Who works with children who sometimes die of their cancer, and it's awful. But that's a story for a different time I think...))

My father has taught me to do things right the first time. “Touch it once, Whitney, and let it be done the proper way. You’ll never have to go back and do it again.”

My office is covered in post it notes that say the same thing. Because the same questions are being asked, over and over and over again. There is zero ability to multi-task. There is literally no ability to retain information that has been given more than once. In fact, there isn’t even any recognition that the information has already been given to her.

I worked hard to make the program run in a way that was successful over the past 2+ years. I worked hard to make it organized, and to be sure I was receiving comments from students that were “this is the most organized a clerkship has been all year.”

And now, for all of that work, to feel like it’s slipping away and was for nothing? I’m sad to leave; I’m certainly not going to miss everyone I work with. But I am going to miss making sure that there are students who were being taken care of in a way that was aiming to make them as successful as they wanted to be.

And now I’m nervous for these new students. I am nervous for this woman. Because students who pay over $60,000 a year to go to school? They want things done right the first time.

And it’s not going to happen.

Monday, July 19, 2010

A little piece of San Diego, til tomorrow

So, tomorrow, there will be a long update. A vacation update. An update of almost epic proportions, but let's not get crazy here.

Today, a taste. A smidge. A little sampling.

Because I have done my Momma proud, and took over 500 pictures on a weeks long vacation. Holy. Cow.

This was the greatest meal we ate in San Diego. At LaFiesta, and this was their cold seafood sampler. It was a special. And deliciously special it indeed was. If you have a chance to eat, there. Do it. And try to be sneaky like me, and give the waitress your credit card to treat your super great JM. Being tricky is the best, especially when the food was this holywowdeliciousnessinmymouthWOW.

Just a cute one. On the beach in Coronado Island. Toes in the sand. And yes. My toes are not my sisters princess feet. But they officially have a flip flop tan, and I'm pumped. Sweet business friends, sweet business.

Before we got JM some tylenol to get rid of the wicked bad headache he had. He said it was because he had gone 24+ hours without a beer. Eh, we got some tylenol, some lunch and beer, and wouldn't ya know it? Headache gone ;) And seriously. What a great photog I am. Yes, I am tooting my horn.

On the harbor cruise around the SD bay. So much fun, and so much sun. And an hour of touring around the crazy ships and bases. JM was in his glory. "Babe! Look over there! Those types of planes do thisandthisandthisandthis!" I had no idea.

Until tomorrow, kind friends. When there will be stories, and pictures, and fabulousness.
Because my "nifty" friend has to go to training all day long, and I get to spend quality time back with all of YOU! I have missed you!!!

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

PYHO: This must be happy?

It's Wednesday, and it's time for Pour Your Heart Out, with Shell. As always, be nice, link up, but keep in mind that people are in fact, putting themselves out there.

Today, I am happy.

Today, was the first day that I trained the "new me."

Today, I will spend time with JM, the man who has grown so much recently and become the man I love.

Today, I smile because I know that I am more and more like myself these days.

Today, I am happy.

Today, I am glad for my family, and my sister who passed her nursing boards, and for my friends who got to spend time with their family.

Today, I am happy that I heard from SR's mom, and that they are doing well.

Today I am happy to have reconnected with a friend who shares a love for sprinkles, sparkles and bling.

Today, although it's wicked hot outside (and no, I am not from Boston, but seriously, how cool would that be) I will smile through the sweat.

Today, I am looking forward to a vacation with that man that I love.

Today, I am excited for tomorrow. I am excited for the smiles. The laughter, the memories. The fun. The tears.

And today, I'm seriously excited that JM is folding socks, because who actually likes that part of the laundry? ;)

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

My last day as a free coordinator

Well, here it is Tuesday again.

And after a weekend of sun tanned bliss, it's back to work.

Ugh. This however is my last day as a "single" student coordinator. The woman who is taking my job starts "training" with me tomorrow.

See, here's the thing.

I started this blog while I was at work, because well... I didn't have much to do. I had all this down time. And while it's great, it's also kind of un-nerving. Because now I have to train this "older-than-me" woman on how to do my job.

Not that there's anything wrong with it.

I just don't know how I'm going to do it.

"So this is the time that I spend catching up on my favorite blogs."

"This is when I go on facebook."

This is when I spend time talking to my mom on the phone.

Oh, and this other 90 minute span of time spread throughout the day? Yea, that's when I actually have some work to do. Because seriously, this job doesn't require 40 hours.

What the eff am I going to do?! Maybe I'll help her set up her own blog... or maybe I'll just have to get over the fact that I am leaving AMC, and well... I'm going to have to give this lady something to do. But seriously. Holy boredom for the next 3 weeks.

Good thing I'm going to San Diego next week ;) Ahhhhh vacation. Side note. If any of you lovely readers have any SanDiego suggestions, I'm all about it. JM and I are staying in the Gaslamp district at some swanky hotel.

yes, I just used swanky in that sentence. Get over it.

I'm going to have to play pretend grown-up. I'm so pumped! Or grownup that has a lot of money, when I actually don't. Greatest. Game. Ever.

Also, conversation with JM about this vacation:

JM: earlier in the week: "Babe, we should really look at SanDiego stuff, and plan some things out, I'm so excited!"

me (yesterday): "So maybe we should look at planning some of this trip babe, what do you think?"
JM: "Eh, I figure we'll just come up with a list of some stuff we want to do on the plane."
me: "Oh, ok, so we are just 'rolling with it' for the week?" (insert mild panic)
JM "Hmm. Yea, I guess.... zzzzzz. zzzzzzz. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz."

Guess it's a roll with it kind of vacation. And while I'm ok with it, eh.. would reallllllly love some input from anyone that has some!

Friday, July 2, 2010

Finding your purpose: I haven't even after 50

I joined a blogging website/help society type of thing a couple weeks ago.

They keep sending me emails (it's a daily thing) about how to "find your voice."

Or to "find your blog's purpose."

It kind of drives me crazy. The point of starting this blog was to start to find out who I am, what I like to write and have a "journal" of sorts to document my 20s and beyond.

It's in my blog title.

I have no idea what this blog is going to be about in the end. It kind of jumps all over.

I'm not a person blogging about how to plan a wedding. Or being a mom. Or being in school and getting a job. Or being married through the first year.

I don't really have a total purpose. And sometimes, I feel bad. And then I say... "F this game" I just want to write.

So, for all those of you who have blog purpose, I applaud you. I hope you don't stop being my follower because I haven't found mine yet.

However, I think that when I get a puppy, it could have a common thread running through it of "IlovemydogIhatepottytrainingmydogHe'ssocuteIcan'tstandit."

Stick with me til then? I think it'll be good. Until then, I'm just another girl, who's struggling.

Gah. At least I have friends who send me emails who make me laugh. Because what good is struggling if you're not at least laughing the whole time anyways?! Seriously.

Also, this is my 50th post. HOly cow-sers :) That's pretty sweeeet, but seriously, still searching for purpose? Annoyance.