Thursday, February 25, 2010

Another Family Post (Except it's not mine!)

Sooooooooo...I’m back :) Since Whit talked about how she is becoming her parents I must too comment about how that has happened to me. Mine is more in a physical way...alright it is also in every other way possible. And I am on the countdown to being homeless :(

None of you have had the pleasure of meeting my family. Basically it is broken down like this. If you look up the word crazy in the dictionary you will see photos of both sides of my family from various family reunions. I KID YOU NOT!!! I get my athletic grace from my paternal grandmother, may she rest in peace. Side note: she is one of the reasons I am partaking in St. Baldrick’s. She passed of cancer the first day of my Senior year in High School. Miss you Grandma <3. Anyway, before she passed away, we were sitting out on her deck talking about how she had pretty much outfitted me for years with my athletic equipment. Pretty awesome. I get my list of mental diagnosis from both sides of the family. May you all be infested with different things that are uncomfortable haha JUST KIDDING!! As for the GAY, if you ever want to do a study of homosexuality being genetic, sign up my family. Holy GAY!! My family tree doesn’t have just green leaves we are a fucking technicolor tree. I am stubborn and brilliant like my father. I love him and he has been such a great teacher for me. Growing up, he was so great that he used to send me to bed without dinner because let me tell you what, I could be suchhhhhh a bitch :) Love ya Dad. As for my physical appearance and sense of humor...welcome to my MOTHER. I was in my room at home once and I called her into my room. I stood with her in from of the mirror, we were both in shorts and tank tops, and me being the smart one, covered our faces and said look we are like twins. My mother laughing so generously pointed out that due to our faces being covered, seeing in the mirror was quite difficult. Love ya MOM!! I would do anything for my family. I have been through a lot and they have ALWAYS been there for me, and for that I will forever be thankful.

As for the being homeless part. I have had the misfortune of picking apartments that like to be sold out from under me. Last year around this time, the apartment building I was living in was sold forcing me to find a new place. Ironically the same freaking thing has happened again. I am supposed to be out by March 1st…did I mention I have yet to find an apartment...hahaha love my life!!

I am soooo excited that St. Baldrick’s is less than a month away!! I am excited yet nervous because I am not sure if I can pull of G.I. Jane like Demi Moore can. I will probably just pull off preteen boy unlike any other. Regardless, it’s for a great cause. I must say I am jealous though that I can’t chew on my hair like Whit does during class, or smell it randomly ;)

~Maria, Over and Out

From a Shavee looks great. Life is full of signs. I always wanted to buzz my hair and you were my sign. You gave me a reason and a cause to do something I always wanted to do. I have raised over $500 for kids, for kids who every day will deal with hardships I can't even imagine.

I listen to people talk about how attached to their hair they are. I look at them and I remember my grandma who was terrified when she found out she had cancer. I remember seeing a family video of the Christmas she found out she had cancer. She was always the matriarch of the family. I remember the camera going around the room and in the background she was standing with a look I can’t describe. There was my Grandma, a woman who would stand up with grace and honor in all situation, scared and unsure of what the future would hold.

It’s just hair. People ask me how I can buzz my hair off. It’s my choice. What about the people who don’t have a choice? What about the people who don’t get to choose if they lose their hair, what about those who have to go through grueling rounds of chemo like champs, what about those who don’t get to choose what happens in the end? We are giving our hair for them.

I always wanted a reason to buzz my hair. I feel like when I do things I don’t want them to be pointless. I don’t just get a tattoo because it’s cool, it has to have a meaning. I don’t just organize a protest to stand out, it has to be for a cause I believe in. I don’t just speak up for those who can’t, I do it because I believe everyone has the right to be heard. I didn’t just want to buzz my hair, I wanted to do it for a reason. I met Whitney LIll and she gave me a reason.

Sometimes I don’t think people realize the power they hold. I worked for Habitat one college Spring Break. I built a house for a family. They were so thankful that I gave up a week of my time to help build them a place to live. Imagine if every single person gave up one day to help build a house...could we prevent homelessness? What else could we do if we united as a people? Just think about it....

Maria~Over and Out

Wednesday, February 24, 2010


It has happened....

The hair.




This is the picture that I have sent to the "People" while I was in the grocery store, in the snow, after the chopping session.

This is the picture of the pony tail. Yes, I was twirling my hair all day yesterday prior to "The Cut." That's why it's all twisty. Good news, the wig making people just want the hair, even if it is all twisty.
Ok, so now for the story.
I believe in signs. I believe that sometimes God gives you signs and shows you reasons to do things. Yesterday was one of those days.
My hairdresser is about to have a baby (YAY AMY!!!) And I texted her yesterday morning asking her if there was ANY chance she could squeeze me in in the next couple of days/weeks to chop my hair. Because lets face it, my hair is my thing. It's healthy and lovely and beautifully blonde hair.
So, I text her. And I wait, and I wait... and I wait. And THEN, So-Ro's super fabulous Mom comes into clinic. For the first time since So-Ro passed. And she's doing fabulously well, and looks like an all-star and pulled together, and just like the elegant rock that she is. This woman, I tell you, is the epitomy of grace, humility and steadfastness. So anyways, she comes in, and gives us these bracelets and pins and more mass cards that we didn't get at the wake. So, I have this new bracelet and a new pin and a new mass card. And in front of me is a woman who has buried her 6 year old daughter. And I'm concerned about cutting my hair. Sheeshka.
And so, I go back to my office, after about 35 hugs, and look at my phone.
And Amy has texted me, saying that she has an opening at 4:30. As in. THAT day at 4:30. So I have a little bit of a panic, and then I remember Mom So-Ro, and figure, hey, this is a sign.
So, I text Amy back, take the appointment, twirl my hair for the rest of the day, and go and chop it off.
And that, is how it's done. I am shipping the big pony tail tomorrow afternoon, as right now Albany is currently getting extremely snowed on, and well, my car isn't exactly the rock star in the snow that I would need it to be. And, to those who voted in the poll, the actual length is 12.5 inches. Rock. On.
I'm off to go flip and flounce with my new bouncy, short hair.
Oh and PS, JM, while has been prepared for this for over a year now, is adjusting well. He likes the cut and style, it's just that I sort of look like a different person now. ((He actually came into the kitchen last night when I got home and forgot/did a double take on the back of my head. Haha. It's ok. Last year when he shaved his head, it took me close to 3 weeks. Still love ya babe. Don't worry, it'll grow back :) ))

Monday, February 22, 2010

I am becoming my parents

.... not that that's technically a bad thing, but man, these days, the similarities just keep popping out of NO WHERE.

Take this weekend for instance. I have become super anal about turning off lights at the apartment. (This may be because of the ABSURD electric bill we had last month. Or, it could just be that we live in a 125 year old building with ZERO insulation...). This feature has been ingrained into me as a child from my father. He is the king of turning off lights when you aren't in the room. He used to lose it on me when I would leave the light on in the family room if I walked into the kitchen. (Love you, Dad!)

I have started to do the same thing.

JM and JS have started to comment on these things. Like, "Wow Whit, didn't know you were so energy efficient."

Or, "I guess we're getting a bit anal about lights being on in rooms."

Or even, "This is something you should tell people that clearly bothers you because you've become quite the light turner-offer these days."

I literally walk from one end of the house to the other turning off lights. I am officially a spaz.

But that's just how I am becoming my Dad (besides the fact that I lectured someone about student loan payments the other day. Dad, you would be so proud of me! Granted, it was without the spreadsheets, but still. I was so "financially intelligent" for a minute I thought to myself, Wow, I actually listened when I was 18. So, THANK YOU DAD!)

There will be another post when I am more like my Mom. But this past week, it was all Dad, all the time. Impressive, I know.

PS, how much are we loving Maria's blog post?? Seriously, she hasn't stolen JM from me, but wow can she make class and life entertaining!

Saturday, February 20, 2010

A Guest Post by the ONE and ONLY

Ok everyone, be excited. I have decided that while I am super funny, I have some super funny and extremely insightful friends. They're smart, funny, fabulous, and they have great things to say. And sometimes, it just helps to write things out.

So, what I'm trying to say, is MEET MARIA! She's my new fabulous friend from school, and well... we'll let her take it away from here :) And seriously, read, leave comments, and send me some more followers! Read the whole thing, it's a very realistic introduction, and well... Maria doesn't hold much back. It's part of the reason we get along so well.

And so it begins. How to start this fun new part of my existence? Do i start by introducing myself? Do I jump into being ridiculous, inappropriate, insightful, longwinded, and just downright hilarious? I explain how I came to meet the wonderful Whitney Lill. I guess I could do it all since that would probably make the most sense.

Hello, My name is Maria and I am addicted to...I just realized that I have two different socks on. Welcome to my life. I like to think of myself as not someone who marches to the beat of their own drummer but as the person who steals the drum and leads a whole new parade. I wouldn’t say it’s because I like to be in control but because this way I can make sure that everyone is smiling and having fun. That’s how I met Whitney. No don’t worry I didn’t steal her drum...I stole her boyfriend. Hahaha Just kidding...I’m a big Lesbo :)

Whitney and I are both Social Work Grad Students. What do we have in common you ask? We are both ridiculously inappropriate which is absolutely wonderful in ever possible way. We like to question why things are the way they are...and we probably won’t stop until we get an answer we we won’t be stopping anytime soon. Whitney is running St. Baldrick’s and I’m shaving my head. I can’t wait!! Oh and of course, we are dating the same boy...DUH!!! (again..just kidding!!)

So you may be asking yourself...or you may have already stopped reading...why is this random lesbo writing for Whitney’s blog. Well that would be because Whitney asked me to. For some reason she thinks I have interesting things to say. I like to think that she has a point in that...but what do I know. I think she is just trying to be nice to her Token Lesbian friend. Just kidding buddy :)

And so it comes to a close. I figure I should keep the first guest blog leaving you wanting more. For those of you who don’t know me...I ask you to not judge and to keep an open mind. I am not sure what I will find inspiration in to write about. I have been through a lot and seen even more. I would do anything for those I care about and would give my life for those I love. I am a big dork and love to laugh all the time. I love piercings and tattoos and plan on getting more. I have designed all of my tattoos and they all have personal meaning to me. In about a month I will look like G.I. Jane and I cannot wait!! I have no idea what tomorrow will hold and that both scares the shit out of me and excites me to no end. I love to play ice hockey and I love getting lost in a good book. I usually get mistaken for a 12 year old boy and I have some really good stories of people being embarrassed because they have mistakenly addressed me as such. Sometimes life can be a real piece of work...but we make it through and THAT is truly inspiring.

~Maria...Over and Out

See??!! I told you, she's great!

Friday, February 12, 2010


Every 2 years we have this fabulous time when the world comes together and celebrates those people who have been gifted to be the "best of the best" in the world of athletics.

It's time, for the Olympics. It's a time for great pride in your country. For great pride in the people who are crazy like Shaun White (and choose to do flips off of half-pipe with the chances of hitting your head on the ice and pretty much becoming a vegetable. But I digress)

Granted, ballroom dancing has been added (much to the dismay of many, however, watching the competition, it's quite intense. It's not exactly country line dancing in middle school gym class anymore. What a hassle THAT was).

The Olympics might be the most fun 12 days on TV every 2 years, especially if your country is good at some sport that is included and can rally around. In the 90s during the winter Olympics, it was Tanya Harding and Nancy Kerrigan and Michelle Kwan. And the guy that always looks old cuz he has a bald head and he's a figure skater. First name Scott, last name, I can't remember. Eh, it happens.

This year, as much as I hate to admit it, I just don't know the Americans going to the Winter Olympics and representing our country. Other than Lindsay Vonn (who in order to get paid more is now posing for Sports Illustrated) Shaun White (who is 23 and making TONS of money) and Bode Miller.

Are we as a country going to topple medal counts like we do in the summer Olympics (thank YOU Michael Phelps, with your pot smoking rock hard abs that I am sure JM is sick of hearing about, hahaha). Maybe, maybe not. But even if we don't I think it's important to recognize those people who have busted their butts to get to where they are today.

Shooting a trillion miles a minute down the craziest ski slopes (when I get scared I fall and almost hit trees. Story for another time but totally true). Or going around in the tiniest of circles with blades on their feet. Or getting tossed in the air, doing spins and hoping the person that's supposed to catch you is still standing.

Congratulations on your huge accomplishment. I know I couldn't do it, but man I sure am glad NBC devotes every channel they have to showing you all day long for the next 12. Good luck Vancouver. I hope it snows and doesn't rain.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010


I have a problem. It's called incorrect grammar. It really, really, really makes me angry. Really. You might say that it's part of the type A personality coming out.

You would be correct.

Your and you're
Their and they're and there
To and too
It's and its

There's another one that starts with an "a" versus one with an "e" but the antibiotics are kicking in and my brain is fuzzy. Leave it be. Or, remind me of it in the comments.

It makes me mad when people use them incorrectly in emails. In letters. In texts. Ugh. Pet peeve 1000, improper grammar.

That's on top of pet peeve #1: don't tell me you're going to do something and not do it.

Or annoyance #32: going to Employee Health and having them do a rapid strep test, have it come back negative and having the stupid PA tell me that I still need to go home. Ha. Fooled you. I'm still at work. So. There. With a mask, antibiotics and hot water and lemons. But still. I win.

Any pet peeves or annoyances out there these days? I bet people who are getting tons of snow right now have a lot of them... like, lack of plows. Or, moving further south to avoid the snow and getting more than upstate NY has gotten all year. In a week. Ha. Suckers :)

There's beauty in the breakdown (and other random updates)

***Before we get to the rest of the post. I am impressed by the people who have voted in the poll about my hair. Not gonna lie, I measured it on Sunday, and it's looking like I am going to be able to donate a LOT. Definitely more than 8 inches, because let's face it, I have definitely had my eyes peeled for super cute "short bobs" recently. And photo suggestions are appreciated. But seriously. 8 inches is NOT that much (hahah that's what she said!)***

So, as many of you (yay!!! 12!) are probably dying to know... the breakdown has come (and gone, for the most part).

After attending So-Ro's wake last Tuesday, I found it hard to write.
I found it hard to breathe, or speak or do anything, but cry.
And eat carbs.
(Which we are severely officially imiting due to the fact that it's now FEBRUARY which means that I need to get my butt in gear/shape for the rest of... uh. my life.)

But after watching a family stand so stoically beside their 6 year old daughter and comforting the people who waited in an almost 2 hour long line (and Mom was in heels no less!) I lost it.
Such a beautiful child, taken much too soon, and a family who has lost a ray of its sunshine who shared light and love and laughter, even in the grayest of times.
A family that can define themselves by the grace that they maintain, the strength that they show others, and the love they have for eachother and for the life and experiences they had with a beautiful, brave, graceful, smiling, laughing daughter, sister, niece, granddaughter and friend.

I remember telling Mom So-Ro, that I had decided that I have many role models in life. You have the role models as a child that you want to "be" when you grow up. But once you reach adulthood, I have realized that there are many different "life stage" role models. Mom So-Ro is the mother I hope to be, to the children I one day hope to have. The mother who is able to stand in the face of complete uncertainty and hardship and think about someone else, while they themselves are crumbling. The mother who gives themselves so completely to their children that a piece of her is forever with each of them. To be the mother who is the rock to all those around her because she is so completely with them, and they with her.

JM asked if I wanted to talk about it when I got home. After shaking my head "no," and sitting in a kitchen table chair for about 20 minutes, he came back to the table, looked at me with a bewildered almost expression and said "I don't know if you want me around or if you want to just be right now." It was comforting, and exactly what I needed. I then proceeded to tell him that once the tears stopped, I was definitely going to need him to just hold my hand and my heart. Which at that point, couldn't handle being alone.

That's the funny thing about loving someone. Their pain is yours, and yours is theirs. And sometimes, if you're lucky, you find friends, a partner, or just acquaintances who give you a hug (or a big tip if you're bartending which is similiar to a hug, except in money form from a stranger on a day that isn't so great) that know when to leave you alone, and when to step up their presence. JM is one of them. JS, the super fabulous roommate from heaven, is another. I dont't know what I would have been able to do without her the past couple of days. She has been available, around, able to talk, bringing chocolate (and a Pandora angel charm for So-Ro) and just an ear to listen. So, to JS, thank you. I couldn't be more thankful for having you around not only the past couple of days, but most certainly the past couple of months. JM and I will certainly be visiting you and the super fabulous fiance. But probably when you are the super fabulous newly married couple. Don't worry. We'll give you a chance to settle first :)

So, to all of you blog-readers, thank you. To all of my friends who have texted or asked how I was doing, thank you. To my family, who is far away, but I know I'm still in your thoughts and prayers, thank you.

Monday, February 1, 2010

The Struggle and Release

As many people who are reading this blog know (all 6 of you :) this past week has been rather difficult at work, and late on Friday night, the 6 year old who stole everyone's heart passed into forever, peacefully at her home in her sleep.

There was no struggle. There was no pain. Her family was together. And now she is forever above us.

This does not mean that the next few days will be easy. Because while her pain has ended, many people's pain here has just begun. And it is an ache that will be forever felt -- like a hole in your heart that you can't get back.

At some point, I know I will break down. I know I will cry, and I know I will hurt. But after seeing the name and number of your social worker on your cell phone at 9 AM on a Saturday, you know it isn't anything good. And so, I heard the news, let it sink for a minute, and then got ready for work. Because right now, I don't have time for a break down. This I feel, makes me a strange and awful person. But life continues to go on, with or without the break down. Eventually, it will come. And the tears will fall. And the pain will be felt.

With or without the breakdown, there is a perfect, pain free, smiling, happy, playful and joyous princess with her complete personality watching over every single person whose life she touched on such an intimate level.

So, my little So-Ro, I miss you and I love you, and you will forever be a part of me.
-Your Scarf-girl